So I’m staring at a blank white screen, not really sure of what to write. It’s been…how many years? During that time my shrine became victim to my tendency to put random things on every surface of my room. It was pretty bad. I only recently got it cleaned up and nice.

Might change my url. Not sure. I’m going to be talking more about religion here, so I’m not sure if the current title fits.

In any case. Hi, I’m Erratic. I’m also known by my Shemsu name, Yinepudjesef. Or just Zef. I’m a member of the House of Netjer. Reconnecting with the community after years of trying to recover to some degree after my long time spent psychotic. Literally, I have schizophrenia. My medication works great though, so please don’t assume I am currently experiencing hallucinations or delusions. If I were, I’d need to change my meds.

I mainly worship Yinepu/Anubis/Anpu, as well as Set/Seth/Sutekh, Sokar, and Sobek. I try to give offerings regularly, and plan on getting back into daily prayer, ect. I don’t tend to experience what I’ve heard called ‘god phone’. That is, I don’t hear my gods talk to me, or get strong specific vibes, or such. If anything I get a vague ‘I think that went well’ feeling after offerings. Or something else vague. I’ve had strong positive experiences in the past, but that’s rare. Even when I was still hallucinating regularly.

I’m not really sure what to blog about. If anyone has any ideas, or a 30-day challenge type deal, I’m open to that.

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Flamekeeping 101 Prompts: Definitions and Explanations

This series is going to be me working through the book Kindling Our Stars: Nurturing Bright and Dark Flames by Genevieve Wood. I’ll be referring to blog posts from Flamekeeping.org, as well as the sections in the book when I can’t find where from the blog certain parts of the book come from. This prompt is from the section Definitions and Explanations in the book.

Prompt: Rewrite each of the definitions in your own words.

The Soul as Flame – The is the metaphor upon which the ideas of the Bright and Dark flames are built upon. The soul is very similar to a flame in some respects. It can diminish or grow, depending on it’s environment. I, however, personally do not truly believe it dies. It certainly might, I don’t know what happens after death, but I see the flame of the soul as enduring in one form or another. I don’t know enough about the mechanics of fire to back this up with a metaphor of my own, but fire leaves an impact on the world. Always. It marks the world in some way, either by eating fuel, heating up something, or destroying something. In that way, we all have an impact on the world, no matter how small.

I used to think of the soul as a sort of layered thing. It could have pieces lost, could get other pieces grafted on…it was a very complicated view. How I used to think of it still colors how I think about things today, but for the most part, I find the flame metaphor simpler.

Dark Flame – The Dark Flame is beginnings, the possibility of creation. It is Divine, but is separate from the rest of Divine…but is a sort of refection of it at the same time. I tend to think of the ego or the id when I think of the Dark Flame, but it’s not that. The dark flame is for ourselves though, as it’s our core. The Dark Flame is not seen by others.

Bright Flame – The Bright Flame is tied to our community. It ties us to other people. Not literally, but it’s what people see of us.

Balance of Flame – The Bright Flame and the Dark Flame are not opposites, they’re just different. The Dark Flame feeds the Bright Flame which in turn feeds the Divine. We need both. As an aside, both of my flames are diminished considerably at this point in my life, but are getting stronger as the days go on. ┬áNot everyone will have the same level of what is healthy for them, in the balancing of these two flames. It’s different for everyone. We shouldn’t neglect either flame, but it’s difficult.

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Reconciling Flamekeeping with Anarchism

First of all, I’ve been studying Flamekeeping. Now, I really, really like this way of looking at the world. I fully believe that the Divine is in everything. I partially consider myself a flamekeeper, only partially because I haven’t worked through all of the book and journaling that I feel I need to do.

So what’s the problem?

I think I’m an anarchist.

In this post, it is mentioned that the writer is never in support of anarchy. Ever.

Now, as far as I know, there is nothing in the anarchism -I- know that automatically makes it incompatible with Flamekeeping. For one thing, my anarchism is highly involved in being social, and building a society. It’s also quite organized and *gasp* orderly. It simply means that I am against hierarchy. I don’t believe that anyone has the right to ‘rule’ over others, and I believe that society should be ordered from the bottom up, rather than from the top down. People having direct democracy to elect delegates, and delegates who -only- follow their mandate or else they just aren’t delegates anymore. Freedom to participate in groups or not. Everyone getting the care they need. -Not- the freedom to do anything you want, even things that hurt others. -Not- terrorism. That is not the anarchism I know.

Now, I don’t think I’ll live to see this sort of society, but I certainly believe it’s a valid way for people to organize themselves. It’s also the sort of society I’d prefer to live in.

I honestly think this is just a misunderstanding of what anarchy is. Yes, it’s used colloquially to mean ‘chaos’, but that’s not what I mean when I say I’m an anarchist.

Now, Flamekeeping talks about rules a bit. But from what I understand, what I’m doing/believing doesn’t make me not a flamekeeper. My life goals are to make the world around me better. I’m attempting to have a balance between my light and dark flame (though I admit, I’m bad at it). I do not believe that the ends justify the means. I see everyone as Divine, and I think that view is part of -why- I may be an anarchist.

I hope this made sense. Thanks for reading.

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Being spiritual and mentally ill…

It’s hard. You may know me from my other blog, Bluh Bluh Psychosis. You might be surprised to know that I’m actually quite spiritual, though I do have many, many moments of doubt. I have experienced dreams and such where I’ve believed my gods talked to me. Nowadays I don’t know what to think. I do know, however, that I’m all around healthier when I’m practicing my religion, spirituality, or whatever.

Anyway, I hope I’ll have more to write soon. As for now, I’m looking into some things. I’m not sure where I fit. I worship Yinepu and various other Egyptian deities, but I’m not sure exactly…how to frame my belief system. I’ve been gone for so long.

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